Do I want to watch "Me and Orson Wells"?

This isn't really about whether or not the film will be good---I've seen the generally optimistic reviews, I feel Zac Efron has great charisma and he's on the verge of becoming an adult star, not simply a teen icon and I do think it will be a good film. AND IT'S ABOUT ORSON WELLS!!! The doubt lies in the fact that it's a film about the theatre, a topic which would usually be a massive draw to me, but I might not be in the best frame of mind to see right now.

I adore theatre, which I guess is kind of obvious with the whole "playwright" thing; and thus a film revolving around theatre, about theatre itself would be something I'd hate not to experience. But, you know, I'm deep in Q4B territory at the moment; I can't remember a day when I haven't done something for the play; I'm rarely home before eight and it's pretty much all I'm thinking about---hence why I guess I've been a bit of a one-note bore recently. I seem to unintentionally be getting on other people's nerves as well, perhaps they're merely as stressed as I'm attempting to avoid. On the other hand maybe I'm being a bit of a dick, which is a shame because I'm not even trying to be mean; because as old friends would attest it's kind of a Hulk situation when I'm angry. Of course I dwell on the reactions of those around me and this only makes things worse, so perhaps I should listen to the wise words of someone and think "Whatever will be, will be".

So would a sensory overload of theatre be a bit much for me right now? I worry that the visual bombardment of Zac Efron's tiny white grin and hours of even more actors might just grate on me and put me off a film I might otherwise enjoy. Or perhaps it's just what I need, perhaps a dramatised version of drama, presumably displaying theatre in all it's glory will remind me exactly of why I'm doing it all. Maybe, just maybe, this is what I need to get me over the hump (and not give me the hump). I like to write about Fate and life conferring to story beats, and it makes thematic sense for this film to inspire me.

Apparently I am several people

I am well aware that I'm not the greatest writer in the world. I'm not even the greatest writer of the people I'm friends with on facebook.

But I think I must have at least a minuscule amount of talent and a decent amount of work-ethic to produce what I have.

This isn't gloating, it's venting as I feel some people don't seem to appreciate the hard work I have put in. Especially when I was at my most prolific writing 10 30 minute long radio play episodes in about 5 months (whilst writing a blog, recording said shows, doing a radio show and my dissertation). To see a list of my work summarised by someone else alongside words like "no previous theatre experience" and to put on a new play that's "mindblowing" compared to my effort.

More upsetting is the fact that the way the list is worded it makes it sound like every single example of creative work wasn't written by one person. And whilst I don't live off fame and recognition, nor require a name, it would be nice for people (friends even) acknowledge my range and effort rather than spinning it for propaganda. It creates a false image of what has been in the past,and taints the work and effort of people involved.

I don't think I'm special doing what I do, and I honestly do think every single person has the potential to do it. But it's not easy, and it takes a lot of time to do it so I don't think everyone can. I've worked for years (and it has been years now) writing, improving, toiling, and working very hard. And when someone suggests otherwise, it is a massive insult.

SUC: The Goat (Not, Who is Sylvia)

Fun Blog week this week; I managed to write a few skits/scenes/moments for Stand-Up Comics which will be running for the foreseeable future. SUC is my mini sitcom about 2 guys who work in a comic shop and their friend Liz, who is just...there.

The Goat (Not, Who is Sylvia?)

KRIS: Hey kid, you wanna tell me why there’s a goat in front of the counter.

LIAM: It wouldn’t fit on the racks?

LIZ: It’s not even alive.

KRIS: I’m not questioning the position of the goat but rather its existence.

LIAM: That’s a bit existential for you.

KRIS: Why do we have a goat?

LIZ: And why isn’t it alive?

LIAM: It’s a gift from Adrian

LIZ: If it was alive you could use it to cut your grass.

LIAM: We’re a shop, we don’t have grass.

KRIS: I understand why you would not refuse the endowment from my friend in the lack of my presence considering my usual unpredictable nature towards you that tends to lean towards violent tendencies. But what is it doing?

LIAM: It’s part of a promotion. Buy selected back issues with goats in for a discount.

KRIS: Which answers my less pressing question of “what are the dust-catchers doing on display?” You think it’s a good idea?

LIZ: Better than his others.

LIAM: Name the goat. The best name wins the goat.

LIZ: Have it as a mascot.

LIAM: Display action figures riding on its back.

KRIS: Why not take the gift and then leave the creepy taxidermied beast away from our usually disease-free floor? Maybe hide it away in the stock room, away from the impressionable lot that come in.

LIAM: Oh. Yeah.

SUC: All New, All Different

Fun Blog week this week; I managed to write a few skits/scenes/moments for Stand-Up Comics which will be running for the foreseeable future. SUC is my mini sitcom about 2 guys who work in a comic shop and their friend Liz, who is just...there.

All New, All Different

KRIS: Right, now that the immense X-men/ Avengers crossover has finally been laid to rest you better update me on the changes.

LIAM: Since when do you care about the X-men?

KRIS: I really don’t. However some doe-eyed fan or interested party may enquire about it when you’re not here to force them upon. Thus I could use a brief summary to fake what most visitors consider a suitable conversation with another human being. So tell me what’s happening in the all new, all different x-men.

LIAM: Well just before it all kicked off the X-men decided they needed to expand the team by bringing in popular characters from the eighties due to a new threat.

KRIS: New threat.

LIAM: A team of old X-men villains led by an eighties villain nee hero who was the clone of an original X-Person. This didn’t really do much as the newly united team managed to stop their nefarious plot, and rescue a resurrected popular X-person. Then a bad guy from the 90’s who’s the brother of a bad guy from the sixties came to generally mess up the current status quo. Except they kinda dealt with that quiet quickly as it was a set-up to the real conflict with the Dark Avengers, who mainly consist of ex-thunderbolts in the guise of Marvel heroes...again. There’s fighting, and drama, and jetpacks, plus the Beast is going into space---

KRIS: Oh cool, there’s some stuff with Beast in space?

LIAM: No. But there’s a text box telling us which comic to read that will lead onto the book where the Beast goes into space.

KRIS: Just tell me what happens in the end.

LIAM: They expect the entire mutant population of the world to live on an island similar to the one from the late eighties and now the villain from the first issue of X-men will be coming back for the 500^th time.

KRIS: Screw it, I’m just going with the timeless response of Cyclops is a dick.

LIAM: That’ll work

SUC: Retorts

Fun Blog week this week; I managed to write a few skits/scenes/moments for Stand-Up Comics which will be running for the foreseeable future. SUC is my mini sitcom about 2 guys who work in a comic shop and their friend Liz, who is just...there.

Retorts

LIAM: Crispy...

KRIS: That’s not my name.

LIAM: It could be.

KRIS: And you could be personally testing each comic for its ability to give paper cuts.

LIAM: I’m bored

KRIS: You’re at work. If you’re bored then you’re not doing enough, not brain surgery is it?

LIAM: I’m doing the same as you.

KRIS: I’m not moaning

LIAM: No one’s been in all day.

KRIS: There was that guy who came in.

LIAM: He was checking the electricity meter.

KRIS: And until you started talking no one had bothered me all day.

LIAM: You want me to stop talking, don’t you?

KRIS: Took you this long to figure it out? It’s not brain surgery.

Enter CUSTOMER

LIAM: Finally

CUSTOMER: Can I---

KRIS: Here’s your usual comics. Now give me money and leave. Or leave uncomfortably.

Customer leaves

LIAM: Wow. That was like a hostility counter move. You didn’t even give me a chance to help.

KRIS: Yeah. I’m like The Flash.

LIAM: Which one?

KRIS: Sarcasm doesn’t require specifics kid.

LIAM: It can...when things are complex...like NASA mining Helium-3 for fusion fuel.

KRIS: Even in the unlikely event that thrilling topic arises, I’m sure my conversational compatriot could infer my disdain without full understanding. It’s not exactly brain surgery.

LIAM: No. It’s rocket science.

SUC: Deliveries

Fun Blog week this week; I managed to write a few skits/scenes/moments for Stand-Up Comics which will be running all week. SUC is my mini sitcom about 2 guys who work in a comic shop and their friend Liz, who is just...there.

Deliveries

ADRIAN: Morning!

LIAM: Please don’t call it that. I know it’s technically accurate but 6AM can’t count as morning. It needs a new name like...evil time period.

ADRIAN: I seem to manage fine.

LIAM: You have some highly developed mental resistance to time. And you work nights.

ADRIAN: “Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine”. You know who said that?

LIAM: Keith Richards.

ADRIAN: Shakespeare.

LIAM: Sorry Adrian, Shakespeare it six in the morning is like...Shakespeare at six in the morning.

ADRIAN: Just you for this week’s delivery. Hope the big guy’s not recuperating in a jail cell again.

LIAM: That happen a lot?

ADRIAN: Only when there’s a new Coldplay single.

LIAM: No, this is a reward for my “continual excellent work”. Apparently I’ve proven myself responsible enough to take the delivery on my own. However he carries the burden of having to sleep in.

ADRIAN: It’s not all bad; shiny new comics and I brought a gift.

LIAM: Please let it be chocolate, flowers, something normal.

ADRIAN: It’s a returned item.

LIAM: From your other job...

ADRIAN: From the delivery job, Liam.

LIAM: Good, I couldn’t imagine much being returned to a Gravedigger anyway.

ADRIAN: Well there was the day we buried Matthew Rogers and Roger Matthews on the same day. That was messy.

Opens Box

LIAM: It’s a stuffed goat.

ADRIAN: That’s a pretty accurate description.

LIAM: It’s a very accurate description of a stuffed goat. Why couldn’t you deliver it?

ADRIAN: Recipient didn’t want it---

LIAM: I wonder why.

ADRIAN: And the sender is now out of business.

LIAM: Why couldn’t you bury it?

ADRIAN: Because Kris and I have a deal in situations like this. I give him undeliverables and when he has kids I get to name them.

LIAM: Thank god, I thought you were going to say deliver them.

ADRIAN: And with this gift I can add, little Imogen to Lennox, Orsino and Tamora

LIAM: Shakespeare.

ADRIAN: Of course.

LIAM: I think I’ve found a pattern in your characterisation.

ADRIAN: With unpredictable jobs it’s good to have some consistency.

LIAM: So is this gift a Shakespeare thing?

ADRIAN: No. It’s a goat.

LIAM: What do you expect me to do with a goat?

ADRIAN: This is a comic shop, right?

LIAM: Yes...

ADRIAN: Well then you must have a bunch of kids in, they can pet it, or something.

LIAM: I hate morning.

SUC: Trends

Fun Blog week this week; I managed to write a few skits/scenes/moments for Stand-Up Comics which will be running all week. SUC is my mini sitcom about 2 guys who work in a comic shop and their friend Liz, who is just...there

Trends

KRIS: I have gathered you all today for a very important announcement; and it is held here in the comic store itself as the store is the core of what we are to discuss.

LIAM: And because the town hall wouldn't allow you within 10 feet after you told them what this is about.

CUSTOMER 1: What is this about?

CUSTOMER 2: Is the store closing down?

KRIS: No the store isn't closing down. Quite the opposite..whatever that is.

LIAM: Opening up.

CUSTOMER 2: We can't open up! We'll be overrun with casual readers, sticky children or twilight fans!

KRIS: It's ignorant statements like that which display a personified idocy.

LIAM: Quintiscental lunacy.

KRIS: That proves your lack of brainpower as you clearly cannot think before speaking. Thus I have been forced to create strict boundaries on what can and cannot be uttered in our store.

CUSTOMER 3: This is crazy, you can't control what we say.

KRIS: Please bear in mind I am not Barack Obama and if any decides to interuppt or heckle I will retaliate either with words or violence to stop you spilling crap out of your mouth, arsehole or anywhere sound can escape, like those tiny airpockets in between your chins.

LIAM: To aid with this transition we have created a handy visual guide in the form of our topic board which has all banned topics, and those we encourage. Plus I drew a little cartoon of Spider-man riding a unicorn to put you at ease.

KRIS: As you can see under "Banned Topics" we have: Disney's aquisition of Marvel and the restructuring of DC Entertainment (RIP Detective Comics Comics). No one cares what wild speculation you've come up with as it seems to appear nothing is going to change or prevent you from reading the same tripe you read every week. Of course if there is a change in situation and we see a shift in the working procedure of the companies I have conferred with my legal advisors at Nelson and Murdock who have stated that a subclause can be added to allow for discussion of said change.

LIAM: Secondly the word "decompressed" is to be banned as it has becomming an annoying go-to buzzword with it usually being used in the wrong context. It's inconceivable how many of you get it wrong; You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

KRIS: No jokes. This is serious.

LIAM: Sorry

KRIS: And though we haven't added it to the board yet, let me be the first to announce that you will be banned from talking about yourselves, your pathetic jobs, your wasted lives, your dogs, cats, lizards, pigs, worms anything associated with you. There will be no further toleration of whinging about your losses, or reasons no one undertsands or cares about you; because frankly we don't either.

LIAM: You are still permitted to talk about yourselves. It just might be an idea to only do it with me, and only if he's out of ear shot. And even then it better be interesting or I will daydream about popping your head like a balloon.

KRIS: And as I am a constant professional who sees his personal life as an extension of my working world, thses rules transcend the boundaries of the store meaning if you see me at all you are not to mention any of the listed topics.

LIAM: But as we've said this is to promote a more healthy attitude in the store. To diversify our audience and our conversations, and as such we have a list of recommended topics to be discussed in store.

KRIS: Iron Man, how great Iron Man is in every medium he has enterred and the historical and cultural significance of Iron Man.

LIAM: And in the interest of fairness we will be promoting conversations about Iron Fist and the legends of the Immortal weapons.

KRIS: But banning anyone talking about their "perfect" Iron Fist pitch where he travels the world on an action/archaeology adventure to find previous Iron Fist artefacts. Isn't that right Kid?

LIAM: But it's teh perfect combination of---

KRIS: No.

LIAM: Fine.

KRIS: You of course can talk about any character, but these are examples we suggest you mention to have a happier shop atmosphere. Because you wouldn't want an unhappy shop atmosphere would you?

LIAM: It's the kind of atmosphere with little oxygen.

KRIS: If you wish to talk about Batman then go ahead, but why not change things up. Instead of arguing whether Bruce Wayne is the only person worthy to don the cowl, why not talk about how Batman would be better if he were in his shirtless, hairy chested, pimp daddy incarnation more often.

LIAM: Or even move away from the regular books and try finding out who else likes, Phonogram, Locke & Key or the Unwritten. This could lead on to you discovering a new book you might really like, for example an Iron Fist book where he travels the world in search---

KRIS: NO. But he's right, you might learn about something new and want to give us money.

LIAM: But mostly it's about broadening your horizons.

KRIS: And finally, you will notice a third collumn on the board, which whilst relatively small is not insignificant. This holds the list of topics which if uttered will cause you to be banned from the store for life.

LIAM: He's not joking. I tried reasoning with him, but he's adamant this exists. A kind of red faced, clench fisted, back-breaking labour enforcing adamant.

KRIS: But I won't overreact.

LIAM: God forbid you'd ever do that.

KRIS: The list will no doubt remain small and will only be used for special cases. For now there is one topic and one topic alone we will not tolerate in this here comic store. And that is that Cheryl Tweedy, Cole person, thing. I do not care for her.